At Least I Won't Have to Worry About Him Being a Teenage Father...

Sometimes I think back to my highschool days, when I used to sit around with my girlfriends and list off the many, MANY features our dream men should have. The top of my list then, and to this day is a sense of humour. I think back to those days and those conversations and I think... SHIT.

Here is a conversation I had earlier with my almost 3 year old son.

3 year old: 'Mommy say knock-knock'

Me: 'Knock-knock'

3YO: 'Who's there?'

(alright I'm with you kid)

Me: 'Boo'

3YO: 'Boo WHAT?'

(really?!?!?!)

Me:'Nevermind... why don't you tell me a knock-knock joke?'

3YO:'Ok... Knock-knock'

Me:'Who's there?'

3YO:'Apple'

(ahhh a classic)

Me:'Apple who'

3YO:'Woof woof I'm a puppy'

Maybe it's me? Maybe his sense of humour is just too sophisticated? But I just can not find the co-relation between that apple and the dog.

But maybe that's the joke?

Maybe... but more likely??? It's lucky he's so ridiculasly good looking.

It's My Anniversary and I'll be Snotty If I Want To

As of July 1st 2010 I have been married 4 years. I celebrated this milestone by waking up in an empty house. My husband choose that day and the one before out of all the 365 days in the year to go on a kayaking trip with his father. His logic was that, since I had to work, we wouldn't get to see each other anyway. Plus he would be home in time to take me to dinner and a movie. Sound logic, sir.

But there's one little detail you did not take into consideration.

It's our anniversary so I don't have to succumb to logic. Let the guilt trips begin.

You like apples?

My kids also choose that evening to have a sleepover at Grandma's. Which brings me back to waking up in an empty house.

I spent the entire previous evening curled up in the fetal position, baseball bat in hand, because OBVIOUSLY burglars were going to choose that night to come after my wealth of broken toys and dirty laundry (the only things I have a wealth of). When I finally realized that, that would actually be a good thing (better they pick them up then I) I was able to fall asleep.

The next morning I woke up to lots of blankets, extra pillows and room to sleep in whatever position I so desired. Which I did. Through SEVERAL snooze cycles.

Then I woke up and got ONLY myself ready, just to get in the car and drive straight to work... not 20 mins out of the way (to the sitter's)  and then to work.

So I was going to make Kevin make up for this in a big way on our next anniversary, but instead I think I'll just book him another kayaking trip.

Happy Anniversary Hunny! You look as handsome now as you did on our wedding day! You totally can't even tell you have 2 kids! <3

Life Experiences

Well just yesterday Sawyer attended his second kegger (it was Sean's first awwwwwww). I know that the legal drinking age is 19, but they're going to find a way to do it anyway! So I'd really prefer if I was there to make sure that they're okay.

Naw I'm totally joking. I'm pretty sure 2.5 half is a touch young to be 'boozin' it up' (It's in the parenting manual somewhere). And besides that I've already made up my mind that I will be one of those completely oblivious mothers that doesn't notice the clanging of glass in my son's backpack as he dashes out for a 'study date at the library'.

Not that, that would happen.

My kids are perfect.

Anyways, you probably want to know why my toddlers were at a kegger. That's reasonable. It's because Kevin's cousin just turned 30. So it was a family oriented party

With a keg.

And at least one person trying to drink themselves back in time. (Unsuccessfully I might... Sorry bud, you're still 30)

Oh yeah and the first kegger Sawyer attended?  Well it all started 20 years ago when my in laws decided not to take 'family planning' very seriously and my husband ended up with siblings 9 and 10 years younger then him. So my children were born with a teenage aunt and uncle.

It makes for some interesting life experiences...

Day in the life

3:40AM - My alarm goes off. Since I'm not even sure that's a real time, I hit snooze, hoping that when it goes off again, the clock will say something much more reasonable.. like noon or something.

3:49AM - It doesn't. I get out of bed anyway.

3:50AM - I pee, and check my email. That's right kids, I multi-task at 3:50am. Try not to compare yourself to me, we're all created different and that's not your fault.

3:51-4:25ishAM - I straighten my hair, and ears and whatever else gets in my way while I'm trying to perform this activity half asleep.

4:25-4:35AM - Apply make-up. Yeah it takes me 10 whole mins, but it's worth it... I clean up good ;)

4:35AM - I sniff my jeans to see if I can get another day out of them. It's rare that I can't.

4:36AM - I irritate the piss out of Kevin by bumping into, or stubbing my toe on everything in our bedroom, in an attempt to find my clothes and get dressed in the dark (you know, so I don't bother him).

4:45AM - I start looking for my keys.

4:55AM - I wake Kevin up to ask him if he's seen my keys.

4:55.5AM - He asks if they're on the kitchen table. I say that's the first place I looked.

4:50AM - I start stomping around the house and making aggravated noises.

4:51AM - Kevin gets out of bed and finds my keys on the kitchen table. I accuse him of planting them there just to make an ass out of me. He totally would too.

4:52-5:05 - I load the car with diaper bags, lunches and kids.

5:15 - I stop at Tim Horton's. Obvs! It's 5:15 *EH AM* and I'm Canadian.

5:30 - Arrive at the babysitters. You all know that story! 

5:45AM - 2:30PM - Get berated and walked all over.

2:45PM - Arrive at babysitters and immediately start making empty promises to get my kids in the car.

3:05PM - Arrive at home and feel the wrath of my empty promises.

3:05PM - 8PM - Laundry, cleaning, cooking, ICarly watching, eating, baths.

Just kidding! Anyone who works full-time, with 2 toddlers who says they do all that is lying. Or a robot. Probably a robot.

8PM - 8:30PM - Convince Sawyer there's nothing to be afraid of in his room, and disappoint him repeatedly by telling him he can't sleep in Mommy and Daddy's room. That is apparently, the absolute worst news you can give a 2 year old.

8:30PM - Shower.

9PM - Sit down and spend some time with Kevin, because I like to run off at the mouth and say things like, "Without the love Kevin and I formed in the beginning, we wouldn't even have kids. So I feel like one of the greatest gifts we can give our kids is to take care of that relationship." And then people are all "Awww that's so true!" So I feel obligated to back it up by sitting in the same room as him while watching assorted forensic investigation shows <3. You're welcome kids!

10:30/11:00 - Stumble around the house just praying that I end up in bed before I fall asleep.


Now I want you to know that I'm not telling you this as an excuse for why I blog so infrequently. I'm telling you this for the pity and sympathy. Let me have. I mean really lay it on thick.

And use words like 'unbelievable', 'incredible' and 'sassy'

Thanks!

What?!?! None Of You Thought To Warn Me?

Sometimes I just have to sit back and look in awe at my own stupidity.

Not only do I let myself think "I wish Sawyer wanted to stay with me instead of going to the babysitters!" I actually sit my ass down and WRITE IT DOWN FOR THE WHOLE FRICKIN WORLD TO SEE.

I mean, COME ON. Have I never heard the phrase 'be careful what you wish for???'

I was just BEGGING for that to come back and bite me in the ass. Really.

So NOW instead of him being psyched to have a fun day with friends and me feeling a sense contentment I have to push him off me, look him in those little blue eyes, while he's screaming and BEGGING me to stay and walk out the door.

Yeah that's way better IDIOT!

Then you know what that child does to me? Looks me right back in the eye when I pick him up and tells me that he doesn't want to go with me. He wants to stay.

Of course you do kid.

Because any other way would ease the guilt.

Paying the Price

I just took out the garbage, which in and of itself, is newsworthy.

But it gets better. 

As I'm hauling the bag out of the garbage can I happen to notice a cupcake. Upon closer inspection I find that there are, in fact, 3 cupcakes in the garbage. 

Oh it get's even better...

ALL of the cupcakes have the icing and sprinkles gnawed of the top. TODDLER STYLE!

You may take this time to judge me for not keeping a closer eye on my child. I'll be spending the evening peeling him off the wall.

The Fastest Year Of My Life

One year ago today we discovered that Sawyer had broken my camera.

We discovered it at 8:29am when we tried to use it to take a picture of his newborn baby brother.

Somehow, between that moment and today, a whole year disappeared.

Since Sean only started sleeping through the night like last week, most of this past year is a blur to me. Soooo instead of a long profound post about how having a second child has changed my life and how complete Sean has made me feel, I'm going to post a glimpse into his life thus far through photos.

Here's the photo we used to introduce Sean to facebook. MEANINGFUL!

They're all mine <3

The day Sean met his big cuz Gavin. I'm just going to have to go ahead and apologize now to all of you ladies out their having little girls... I can only hold these heartbreakers back for so long. They're going to be bigger then Bieber.

About a month after Sean was born a good friend (from Mandy Taggart Photography) took some professional shots of the fam. If you look closely at this one you can see the wet spot on the dark blanket where Sean peed.

If you look closely at this one, well ok, I guess you don't have to look that closely.

                                    

And this one? This one made up for all that....

Don't worry, he had his H1N1 immunizations before we threw him in there.

                                              

Soaking up the sun in Cuba. Don't hate him cuz you ain't him.

'What do you mean I got Daddy's hairline?'

And here he is today...

How if you`ll excuse me, I have to go cry myself to sleep over how fast they`re growing up.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SEAN! WE LOVE YOU!