Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Day in the life

3:40AM - My alarm goes off. Since I'm not even sure that's a real time, I hit snooze, hoping that when it goes off again, the clock will say something much more reasonable.. like noon or something.

3:49AM - It doesn't. I get out of bed anyway.

3:50AM - I pee, and check my email. That's right kids, I multi-task at 3:50am. Try not to compare yourself to me, we're all created different and that's not your fault.

3:51-4:25ishAM - I straighten my hair, and ears and whatever else gets in my way while I'm trying to perform this activity half asleep.

4:25-4:35AM - Apply make-up. Yeah it takes me 10 whole mins, but it's worth it... I clean up good ;)

4:35AM - I sniff my jeans to see if I can get another day out of them. It's rare that I can't.

4:36AM - I irritate the piss out of Kevin by bumping into, or stubbing my toe on everything in our bedroom, in an attempt to find my clothes and get dressed in the dark (you know, so I don't bother him).

4:45AM - I start looking for my keys.

4:55AM - I wake Kevin up to ask him if he's seen my keys.

4:55.5AM - He asks if they're on the kitchen table. I say that's the first place I looked.

4:50AM - I start stomping around the house and making aggravated noises.

4:51AM - Kevin gets out of bed and finds my keys on the kitchen table. I accuse him of planting them there just to make an ass out of me. He totally would too.

4:52-5:05 - I load the car with diaper bags, lunches and kids.

5:15 - I stop at Tim Horton's. Obvs! It's 5:15 *EH AM* and I'm Canadian.

5:30 - Arrive at the babysitters. You all know that story! 

5:45AM - 2:30PM - Get berated and walked all over.

2:45PM - Arrive at babysitters and immediately start making empty promises to get my kids in the car.

3:05PM - Arrive at home and feel the wrath of my empty promises.

3:05PM - 8PM - Laundry, cleaning, cooking, ICarly watching, eating, baths.

Just kidding! Anyone who works full-time, with 2 toddlers who says they do all that is lying. Or a robot. Probably a robot.

8PM - 8:30PM - Convince Sawyer there's nothing to be afraid of in his room, and disappoint him repeatedly by telling him he can't sleep in Mommy and Daddy's room. That is apparently, the absolute worst news you can give a 2 year old.

8:30PM - Shower.

9PM - Sit down and spend some time with Kevin, because I like to run off at the mouth and say things like, "Without the love Kevin and I formed in the beginning, we wouldn't even have kids. So I feel like one of the greatest gifts we can give our kids is to take care of that relationship." And then people are all "Awww that's so true!" So I feel obligated to back it up by sitting in the same room as him while watching assorted forensic investigation shows <3. You're welcome kids!

10:30/11:00 - Stumble around the house just praying that I end up in bed before I fall asleep.


Now I want you to know that I'm not telling you this as an excuse for why I blog so infrequently. I'm telling you this for the pity and sympathy. Let me have. I mean really lay it on thick.

And use words like 'unbelievable', 'incredible' and 'sassy'

Thanks!









15 comments:

  1. Wow look at you super mom. I have problems getting out of the house by 530 as it is without 2 kidos! You are my hero!

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  2. Too funny!!! And it's true, you ARE and unbelievable, incredible and sassy supermom. :) All of a sudden my days/nights seem like a piece of cake. Shushh - don't say that to my hubby though! ;)

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  3. I occasionally "straighten" my ears with a flatiron. But I'm usually wide awake.

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  4. You are too funny! I can't believe how much you do in a day lol! I say if I'm awake the hubby is to also be awake so good for you :) BTW, I have an award at my blog for you if your interested...you know, something else to do ;)

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  5. God... you're... wow... 3:40am???!!!! Is that a real time???? Usually I'm going to sleep by then. Crazy, that's my bedtime.

    I get no sleep.

    And I'm going to be 100% Honest. I started getting giddy and showed my boyfriend your post.

    TIM HORTONS RULES!

    We're from Buffalo :-)

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  6. Really! 3:40am!!! Who the heck gets up at that time?? Seriously what kind of job do you have the would do such an injustice and make you get us so damn early! You are a super hero! :)

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  7. You wake up at 3:40AM??

    Freakin' weekend.

    If I woke up at that God awful time even once a year AND went to work AND had children... somebody probably would've been punched in the groin by now.

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  8. it's UNBELIEVABLE that you get up at 3:40am, sometimes i do that too, but it's to feed my little bear with my eyes open just wide enough that i can tell he's not choking on the bottle, then i definitely crawl back into bed. it's INCREDIBLE that you haven't punched anyone right in the throat out of pure lack-of-sleep rage-ahol. i also love coming on here to read your humourously SASSY updates...love it long times.
    unbelievable - check.
    incredible - check.
    sassy - check.
    my work here is done.

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  9. Stopping by from *SITS*. I love your blog. I feel the exact same way you do and can guarantee I'll be visiting again. Thanks!

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  10. Wow! Great blog. I'm following you from the MBC

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  11. I found your blog from another blog & am so glad I did! You are a funny writer. I am always on the hunt for those. They are really well hidden. If funny blogs were Easter eggs, they'd be the ones hidden deep inside a tree trunk under the squirrel's nest. Maybe I am just really awful at finding Easter eggs (and funny blogs) and they are ALL OVER THE PLACE! Maybe I need help! Maybe I need to stop commenting and get some serious medical attention!

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  12. I'm so glad I'm not the only one with days like this... and the same excuse for not bloggin enough.

    You have my sincerest, deepest most heartfelt empathy! :-)

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  13. Hi,
    I'm following from MBC.

    Joanna
    http://joannaslife.com

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  14. I'm more impressed that you blog! We professional writers use housework to avoid writing!

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Reading comments helps me avoid the laundry. Please don't make me do laundry!