Day in the life

3:40AM - My alarm goes off. Since I'm not even sure that's a real time, I hit snooze, hoping that when it goes off again, the clock will say something much more reasonable.. like noon or something.

3:49AM - It doesn't. I get out of bed anyway.

3:50AM - I pee, and check my email. That's right kids, I multi-task at 3:50am. Try not to compare yourself to me, we're all created different and that's not your fault.

3:51-4:25ishAM - I straighten my hair, and ears and whatever else gets in my way while I'm trying to perform this activity half asleep.

4:25-4:35AM - Apply make-up. Yeah it takes me 10 whole mins, but it's worth it... I clean up good ;)

4:35AM - I sniff my jeans to see if I can get another day out of them. It's rare that I can't.

4:36AM - I irritate the piss out of Kevin by bumping into, or stubbing my toe on everything in our bedroom, in an attempt to find my clothes and get dressed in the dark (you know, so I don't bother him).

4:45AM - I start looking for my keys.

4:55AM - I wake Kevin up to ask him if he's seen my keys.

4:55.5AM - He asks if they're on the kitchen table. I say that's the first place I looked.

4:50AM - I start stomping around the house and making aggravated noises.

4:51AM - Kevin gets out of bed and finds my keys on the kitchen table. I accuse him of planting them there just to make an ass out of me. He totally would too.

4:52-5:05 - I load the car with diaper bags, lunches and kids.

5:15 - I stop at Tim Horton's. Obvs! It's 5:15 *EH AM* and I'm Canadian.

5:30 - Arrive at the babysitters. You all know that story! 

5:45AM - 2:30PM - Get berated and walked all over.

2:45PM - Arrive at babysitters and immediately start making empty promises to get my kids in the car.

3:05PM - Arrive at home and feel the wrath of my empty promises.

3:05PM - 8PM - Laundry, cleaning, cooking, ICarly watching, eating, baths.

Just kidding! Anyone who works full-time, with 2 toddlers who says they do all that is lying. Or a robot. Probably a robot.

8PM - 8:30PM - Convince Sawyer there's nothing to be afraid of in his room, and disappoint him repeatedly by telling him he can't sleep in Mommy and Daddy's room. That is apparently, the absolute worst news you can give a 2 year old.

8:30PM - Shower.

9PM - Sit down and spend some time with Kevin, because I like to run off at the mouth and say things like, "Without the love Kevin and I formed in the beginning, we wouldn't even have kids. So I feel like one of the greatest gifts we can give our kids is to take care of that relationship." And then people are all "Awww that's so true!" So I feel obligated to back it up by sitting in the same room as him while watching assorted forensic investigation shows <3. You're welcome kids!

10:30/11:00 - Stumble around the house just praying that I end up in bed before I fall asleep.


Now I want you to know that I'm not telling you this as an excuse for why I blog so infrequently. I'm telling you this for the pity and sympathy. Let me have. I mean really lay it on thick.

And use words like 'unbelievable', 'incredible' and 'sassy'

Thanks!